Special thanks to The Bacchus Society for helping us develop this guide.

Swinging, sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle, is "non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple."The phenomenon of swinging (or at least its wider discussion and practice) may be seen as part of the sexual revolution of recent decades, which occurred after the upsurge in sexual activity made possible by the prevalence of safer sex practices during the same period.

1. Getting Started
2. Some Other Considerations
3. Finding and Meeting Swingers
4. You're at the Club/Party!
5. Variations of Swinging

Part I. Getting Started

1. Before your first encounter: It is essential to discuss your desires and limits thoroughly and honestly with your partner.  Know what's acceptable and what's not.  Discuss situations you might anticipate and what your reactions might be.  It is normal to be apprehensive and even scared before your first encounter..
2. While you're being honest with your partner, be honest with yourself.  After all, you don't want find out this is all too much as your partner is getting initiated with someone else.  If you have the least bit of doubt as to whether this lifestyle is for you, set strict limits for your first encounter.  It can take most couples several encounters before they are comfortable enough for a full-swap (or even soft-swap) experience.  In the meantime, have fun showing off or watching.
3. Arrange some discreet code-words or body language by which you can communicate with your partner during social or erotic encounters.  This way you can bail your partner out if an undesired person or couple is soliciting him/her.  It also helps you to show your partner your approval or disapproval of taking things to the next level with another couple, discreetly.
4. Make sure you discuss safe sex.  If you cannot agree on the use of protection, don't swing.
5. Make sure you're both on the same page before starting to play with others.
6. Decide if you'd rather meet couples at low-key places like bars or restaurants, or if you prefer the anonymity and low-inhibition atmosphere of a lifestyle party or club (like we do).

Part II. Some Other Considerations

1. Keep in mind the essence of swinging: You and your partner are going out to have recreational sex with other people.
2. It's in your favor to keep in shape and take care of your body.  This means eating right and getting regular exercise.  It will increase the likelihood of an encounter happening and will help you meet the most desirable people. Physical appearance is as important as personality.
3. Groom well.  This means not only basic cleanliness and hygiene, but you may also want to consider shaving or trimming other body hair: groin, arm-pits, etc.  Most women don't want to fight their way through two inches of pubic hair to perform fellatio.  Likewise, most men don't enjoy a mouthful of hair.  It's also easier to keep areas clean and odor-free when they're groomed of hair.  You don't have to shave altogether, but the majority of swingers, male and female, at least trim very thoroughly, if not shave completely.

Part III. Finding and Meeting Swingers

1. This is not nearly as difficult as it sounds.  The internet is your greatest tool.  Websites such as Kasidie.com, SDC.com, SexxyMofo.com, and SwingLifeStyle.com are excellent resources for locating local people into the same kinky lifestyle as you!
2. As stated earlier, there are different ways swingers meet.  Some prefer the quiet intimacy and safety of meeting at a bar or restaurant.  This gives people a chance to get to know the people their considering swinging with.  You can then decide to meet another time, or go someplace else to get to know each other a little better.  You also have an easy out if you decide you don't wish to take things further.  Finish you drink, thank them for meeting you, and you're free!
3. Sometimes people meet at the house of another couple.  This has some of the same advantages of meeting at a restaurant but you don't have to go as far to find a bedroom.  This is a better option if you're already pretty keen on the other couple and are pretty sure you want this to work out.  The only downside is you may feel there's more of an expectation to play if you meet at someone's house (or they at yours).
4. Lifestyle clubs and parties are another option.  We prefer these because there's an atmosphere of lessened inhibitions and the chances for hot encounters are multiplied significantly.  Lifestyle clubs can be off-premise (you network there and take your game elsewhere for sex) or on-premise (our favorite), where sex happens right at the club!

Part IV. You're at the Club/Party!

1. Most swing clubs (often called lifestyle clubs or lifestyle events) have some sort of dress code.  Make sure you follow it.  Basically you want to dress comfortably and sexy.  Dress to be noticed!  Some clubs allow sexier attire than others and you want to consider the neighborhood you'll be walking through to get to the club.
2. You see an attractive girl (or guy, if you're a girl) and you want to get things started!  How do you approach?  The safest and most polite way is to approach the half of the couple that's the same gender as you.  Get a conversation started and introduce your partner.  Once all four of you have met you can get to your point.  If the object of your desire is not visibly in a couple, introduce yourself to him/her and ask if they're with anyone before getting down to business.
3. Eye contact is a great ice-breaker.  Eye contact followed by a smile is a sign that it's time to say hello.
4. You’ll get out of a club experience what you’re willing to put into it.  Be sociable, take a chance, and go meet people.  If you sit in the corner or against the wall, looking silent and terrified, expect to leave disappointed.
5. It's best to speak politely and to-the-point.  Keep in mind that rejection is part of the swinging game: you may have to reject someone and you may be rejected yourself!  Don't let it get to you and remember, it's truly as hard to state rejection as it is to receive it.  Also keep in mind that a rejection does not mean that you or your mate are undesireable -- many couples attend events as exhibitionists or voyeurs and are simply not ready to take it beyond that.
6. If you want to invite someone to join you for more than a drink you may want to say something like this: "We're going to find a place to play if you'd like to join us."  You might even ask, "would you be interested in playing?"  Yep, you can be that straight forward.  Everyone there is looking for the same thing.
7. If someone asks you to join them and you don't wish to, you can simply and politely refuse with, "No, thank you."  No need to elaborate and no excuse to be rude.
8. If you're refused, never ask why, sulk, or get mad.  It's extraordinarily unbecoming and will likely lose you your invite to future events.
9. Sometimes couples will get started on their own with the anticipation that other couples will approach them.  This is where that communication becomes essential.  Make sure you and your partner can quickly assess the situation, make a decision, and let the other couple know.
10. If you wish to approach another couple that's playing, make eye contact with them as you approach.  A raised eyebrow or a "may I join?" will signal your interest.  Respect whatever answer you receive.
11. It is 100% acceptable and right to demand that anyone wishing to play with you use protection.  If someone won't, you have the right to terminate any activity.  You also have the right to demand your partner use protection.  You're responsible for your own health and safety.
12. If someone does not respect your wishes regarding protection or if they try to force themselves on you despite your rejection, tell the management of the club or party.  This will not only get them expelled for that night (and likely every night to come), but the word may spread in the local community.  It sure would suck to be blacklisted from all local swing parties and clubs!

Part V. Variations of Swinging

Many people believe swinging is synonymous with "wife swapping," or that it's only practiced by married couples.  Not true!  While many swingers are married and do "swap" wives (or husbands), there's a lot more variety to this wonderful lifestyle.  Here are some common swinging arrangements.

Couples

The bread and butter of swinging. Couples can be married or just dating.  Some couples exist only for swinging!

Single Women

Yes, there are single women (often young, attractive ones) who come to swingers parties to get laid!  Single women are great because women like to play with women, and men like to play with women.

Single Men

Most clubs or parties don't allow single men because of two things:

1. too many guys trying to get laid make the atmosphere aggressive, and
2. every guy in town would be there.

Some clubs allow a trio in which a man tags along with a couple they know well.  This tends to be a privilege only allowed to couples that are well-established in the swinging community, who the club owners know won't bring someone unattractive or obnoxious.  Single men can find a nice niche interacting with Hot Wives (see below).  If you're a particularly spectacular single man: Hollywood looks, great personality, god-like physique, and lots of class, you may find a club that will let you in solo.

Be weary of clubs that allow single men.  Often, these clubs hire prostitutes in order to "take care" of the men who frequent the club. While we have nothing against prostitution, in most states it is illegal and it is most certainly not apart of the swing lifestyle.  If you suspect that a club has such hired help, leave and demand your money back.

Hot Wives

A hot wife isn't just a wife who's hot; it's a specific term designating a married woman who likes to play with other men, typically while her husband watches.  In many hot wife couples, the man only watches or only participates with his own wife.  Some hot wife couples go as far as to only let the husband hear the action, say through a closed door.  Other hot wives have permission from their husbands to play without his presence at all. Later she may describe her encounter to her husband during sex.  This only works if the husband finds it a turn-on, and the wife's just slutty enough to want it, and I do mean slutty with the greatest respect ;-)  Obviously, hot wives and single men go well together.

Trios

See: Single Men.

MFM

Two guys on a girl.  A type of threesome.

MFF or FMF

Two girls on a guy, or a couple plus a girl.  The other type of threesome.

MFMF

Two couples swapping.

Orgy

When sexual contact occurs between four or more people at the same time.  This is different from swapping because it's sort of a free-for-all instead of two couples side by side.  I've been in one involving six people (3 couples).

Swinging isn't always just sex, either!  Here are some different "levels" of participation.

Swinging SWINGING, sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle or the lifestyle, is "non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity that can be experienced as a couple." Swinging activities may include, but are not limited to: EXHIBITIONISM: Having sex with a partner while being watched. VOYEURISM: Watching others have sex. SOFT SWINGING or soft swap: Including a third or fourth person into a sexual activty without vaginal penetration. Kissing, stroking, or having oral sex are all part of soft swinging. There are a large number of women who join the lifestyle to include another woman for their pleasure, in a bisexual experience. FULL SWAP: having penetrative sex with someone other than one's partner. Although this is the commonly understood definition of swinging, it is no longer the most common style of swinging. GROUP SEX: An all-inclusive term for activities involving multiple partners in the same vicinity.

Voyeurism VOYEURISM is the sexual interest of spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing or sexual activity. The aspect of spying is central to voyeurism. Observing is a very important part of the lifestyle, because without the voyeur, there would be no room for the exhibitionist...

Exhibitionism EXHIBITIONISM is a behavior involving the exposure of the body to another person, usually at least partially in a sexually inspired behavior, to attract the attention of another in an open display of bare body parts. Exhibitionists are performers, and they love a good audience. The relationship between the performer and the audience is a key aspect to the overall experience.

Foreplay FOREPLAY involves different acts such as kissing, touching, embracing, talking, and teasing. Foreplay may include methods of satisfaction, such as erotic sexual denial and sexual stimulation of all kinds. Manual or oral stimulation of erogenous zones are considered foreplay. Sexual role playing, fetish activities, and BDSM can also be considered foreplay. They may also accompany intercourse and not just precede it. Voyeurism is also a form of foreplay.